Happily Married

Congratulations! I now pronounce you……..married.

The whole controversy on gay marriage is complete bullshit. It’s a no-brainer. It happens every day, it should be legal everywhere, and anyone who thinks it shouldn’t be is nuts. There is no valid argument against it. In fact, a happily married gay couple or two is sitting in everyone’s driveway, waiting to please them and serve their beck and call.

What do I mean?

Well, it dawned on me this week, as I worked on my back (I’ve been working on my back more often, lately, than Heidi Fleiss), attempting to marry a M47 manual transmission to a Volvo B230F engine: I was, in fact, conducting a gay marriage. How’s that? Well, first of all, the M47 is clearly a male-to-female transgender, because it is definitely a trannie, and it has an input shaft. But the B230F? Well, the input shaft has to go into the engine…….but it’s entering the engine’s crank near the rear main seal. So, it’s a receiver……but it has pistons, which indicate maleness……..oh………that’s right, I see. What we have here is a preop trannie trying to insert its shaft into the rear of a male engine….so engines are gay males! Also consider the fact that engines, when running, develop vacuum……yes, suction. Definitely a gay male trait!

Yep. A legally married gay couple, right in every preacher’s driveway. Crawford, Texas’ missing village idiot even has one. Sweet!

Seriously, polar bears tend to pair-bond, and I’m no exception. There is a mama bear, and she is one amazing creature. And our marriage is not devalued one friggin’ whit because gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgendered people get married. In fact, there’s nothing another couple can do to devalue anyone else’s marriage, unless they meddle directly in it. Who told you otherwise? Pat Robertson? That hypocrite has been divorced. Newt Gingrich? That dishonest creep left his wife on her deathbed and took up with a floozie. The village idiot from Crawford? He’s guilty of bigamy, being married to Jack Daniels and Jose Cuervo, in addition to Laura.

The Polar Bear rests. In fact, it is now time to hibernate.

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One Comment on “Happily Married”

  1. bosskitty Says:

    In the eyes of our lawmakers, who bow to special interest groups for the purpose of staying in power, a contract between two individual american taxpayers is the best distraction they can use. They are magicians using sleight of hand to make their audience obsess with Gay society so they don’t notice the blatant corruption all around us. Anytime media focuses on incompetence or indictments, politicians figuratively bump the camera and push it to anything the fundamentalists can rant about.
    Any heterosexual couple, that actually feel threatened by Gay contract or marriage, surely need to see a counselor. There is something in their life that requires analysis.
    This is america after all, the constitution never mentions Gays.


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