Sleazeball Reality

You know, with the current popularity of “Jackass”, “Jerry Springer”, Shirley Q. Liquor, and “Cops”, maybe we should invent some more shows of that sort.  Here’s a few ideas for sleazeball reality shows.

Like, how about illegal aliens mudwrestling in pig manure. Sure, people’d watch that.

Maybe celebrity blind mortar shooting?  Yeah, get blind people, point the mortar towards Rodeo Drive, Michigan Avenue, or 34th St., and let them get their jollies firing the mortar. See how many celebrities they hit. You get 10,000 points and the gratitude of millions for hitting Paris Hilton or Lindsey Lohan.

How about car stereo detonation contests? Put a daisy-cutter with vibration detonator in a tent, next to a loudest car stereo contest. Loudest stereo with the deepest bass ends the contest, if not some lives.

In honor of the recently passed last-respectable-Republican to hold the office of President, I present “Gerald Ford’s Golf”, for PlayStation.  Yes, you get points, depending on what you hit with your drive. Hit the fairway, get 1 point. You lose 2 points for hitting the bunker. You get 10,000 points for hitting Bob Barker. 50,000 points for hitting Alice Cooper or Huey Lewis, and 100,000 points for hitting Bob Hope or Arnold Palmer.  Hitting anyone named Bush results in instant victory, especially if they die.

Or, for Kentucky residents only, you can play “The Governors Game.” Our panel of men and women who are stooping so low as to actually want to run for Governor of Kentucky, are at your disposal. There is no test too tough, no task too arduous, no question too controversial. Each week, our panel will ask our candidates to eat the most distasteful substances a la “Fear Factor”, then perform business tasks as the candidates on “The Apprentice” have to, then the panel answers your questions.  For our first show, each of the candidates will be required to work the grill at a McDonald’s for a lunch rush (the first real jobs most will have ever held), then take IQ tests with a minimum score of 99 required to continue (that’ll take care of the Republican candidates and Otis the Bullman), then eat at the Chow Wagon (this will lose the doctors in the race) without gaining weight. After that, Bruce Lunsford will have to explain why he was flying around the country on Vencor’s Gulfstream jet while the company went bankrupt and people lost their jobs – I’m sure that will be entertaining. Anyone who opposes the domestic partner benefits at UK and U of L will be fiahed.  Then we send Jody Richards and Steven Beshear out to walk around Oxmoor Mall to see if anyone has a clue who they are (nobody does).

I expect the final candidate who’d be left standing, at the end, will want to celebrate by smoking a joint.  Frankly, with Jonathan Miller, the man I thought would be the best candidate by far, leaving the race, I’m voting for Gatewood Galbraith.  When it comes down to it, he’s the only candidate who seems to have any sense whatsoever.

Don’t agree with me? That’s okay. Just be sure to vote on election day. If yuou don’t, don’t gripe.

PB

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One Comment on “Sleazeball Reality”

  1. Roy Says:

    I agree with you. I am casting my vote for Gatewood for the exact same reason.


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